英文： Hello, my friend. Welcome back to BadJuju. In this episode, I want to talk about a concept that has been very important to me recently, which is creating your own rules that actually works for you.Before I go further, I want to make one thing very clear, [...0.6s] I'm not encouraging anyone to break social rules or ignore the law.That is not what I mean.

When I talk about the rules, what I'm referring to is something much more subtle.It's the set of assumptions you carry when you make decisions about your life. The quiet, almost automatic sense of what you think you're supposed to do.

For example, when you should start working, how you should study, and when you should get married, or whether you should buy a house or move to another country.These things look like choices on the surface, but very often I think they are already shaped by a set of invisible rules long before you even realize it.

And this is something I realized only recently — It's a lot of us think we're making choices, but in reality, I think we're just following rules.And those rules we follow don't come from nowhere.

Some of them come from family, like the way we grow up what was considered stable or successful.

And some come from society. And there's always an idea of what a normal or good life path should look like, right?

And there's also a large part of it now comes from the internet. The content you consume, the lifestyles you see, and advice people share, and all of this slowly builds a system in your mind, a system you didn't consciously choose but actually continue to follow without realizing.

And I don't think the problem is that those rules exist. Obviously, we do need structures in life and rules help us to make decisions faster and reduce uncertainty.And I think the problem is when you are not aware of them because when you are not aware, you don't question them. You just live inside them and blindly follow.

And that's where a lot of confusion begins.Like you would try really hard, you would, you would put in a lot of effort, but something always feels like slightly off. And you might get anxious or feel like you're behind, not doing enough. And you assume the problem is you.

But sometimes the problem really is not you.The problem is that you're using a set of rules that were never designed for you personally. And this became very clear to me when I started noticing certain patterns in conversations around modern women and their life choices.

I think over the past few years, there have been stronger narratives around independence, self sufficiency, and relationships around women and how women should live their lives in modern society. And I understand where that comes from.And I rate that really, I think women should absolutely have the ability to work, to earn, and to make decisions for themselves.I completely agree with that. But what I started to notice is that I think some of these ideas are no longer just offering options or trying to support women rights. I think they're slowly becoming a standard. And when something becomes a standard, it stops being a choice.It becomes a rule.

And in some conversations, the message is no longer: “as a woman, you can choose independence or you can start a family and live with your partner or your kids.” It become closer to: “as a modern woman, you should choose independence and anything else is just a mistake.”

that shift is really subtle, but so powerful because it changes how people evaluate life decisions, right?

And I remember talking to a few young women and when we spoke about relationships and families, there was an immediate negative reaction.

I remember one of them mentioned her friend and said to me, she said: “I had a friend she used to be doing really well in her career, but she got pregnant and quit her job to stay home with the baby.I think that was a really bad decision.”

And I was like really confused. And I remember I was pausing and thinking about what she said because I was thinking about like, how did we go from [...0.6s] this sort of lifestyle is not the one I want for myself to this is not right for every woman. We should never get married, we should never have kids, and we should always work for corporate and make millions.

I feel like this is not standing for women's right. It's actually narrowing down and shaming women for choosing the lifestyle they actually feel comfortable living in.

And that definitely made no sense to me because to call something wrong or a mistake, there has to be a standard behind it, like a rule that defines what a correct life looks like.And what I found interesting is that this rule is not coming from tradition. It is coming from something that presents itself as progressive and modern, but if you actually look at the structure, it's the same.It is still telling you what you should or should not do. It's narrowing down your options as the only right way to live as a modern woman is to work for companies or do your own business.

Like, please don't shame women because they want to have babies and build a family. You know what I mean? [...1.2s]Otherwise, what's the difference between this sort of option with people who thinks women should only stay at home? Like you're still telling other women what you think they should do. That's not liberating, isn't it? [...1.2s]And I remember I had another small moment that made this even clear to me. I mentioned to them that I really enjoy cooking at home, and the reaction I got from them was almost discomfort, as if that preference needed to be explained.And that's when I realized something. I feel like we're not just influenced by the rules, we're actually influenced by what is considered acceptable to want.Let that sit with you for a bit, [...1.1s] right?

Like if something as simple as liking to cook starts to feel like something you need to defend, then there is already a rule in place like behind it. And that rule is shaping you before you even realize it. And that's just one example.Another example, this topic became very personal for me is my own experience as a freelancer.I think for a long time, I found myself comparing my life to others who had more structured paths. Like they had jobs, clear rules, and it's very easy for them to describe what they do and how they live their life to other people. And also they all had like visible progress as well.