Acknowledge Feelings

Encourage Cooperation

• Boundaries
  • Take action without insulting
    • I’m going to do this because..
      • focus on values or your feelings, to protect something (people, property, relationships)
        • I’m not going to… because I would feel…and I don’t want to feel that way toward you’
    • without action, some people won’t listen
• possible reasons for resistance
  • feelings - ask why they don’t want to do x
    • worried? too tired?
  • ability - can they?
  • reconnect - don’t only show up to ask for things
• problem-solving
  • spend time acknowledging each other’s feelings and viewpoints
  • brainstorm solutions together.
    • show respect for the other person’s ideas, don’t immediately shoot them down. add it to the list then discussing pros, cons and what each of you are comfortable with
    • both sides should be in agreement on next steps
    • if you can’t agree, see if you can narrow down to two and try each
• alternatives to punishment
  • give them an opportunity to make amends
  • offer a choice/alternative - you can’t do this, but you can do x or y
• Let natural consequences teach, when safe - if they don’t want to wear a jacket, let them be cold and learn from that (unless it’s will kill you cold)
• timelines with warnings to ease transitions
• over-explaining can actually invite more resistance because it signals the rule is up for debate. "We're leaving now" stated calmly, once, is sometimes more respectful than a five-minute case for why.