My life is like... Imagine a castle with very thick walls. Thousands may stand outside.

Some may wave. Some may enter the courtyard. A few enter the house.

And maybe... three people have keys to my room.

i never wanted to sound "mean" to sound "indifferent" to sound nihilist to sound like someone who doesnt care

i do care, but

If someone outside disappears... Ill notice. But life continues.

If someone with a key disappears... Part of the house dies with them.

Those people aren't just orbiting my life. They're woven into it.

when someone dissapears I don't grieve the role. I grieve the bond.

Was it weak? So is the grief.

Was it strong?.. Then may God help me Because i think i'd shatter.

If i love someone i LOVE them. Ridiculously deeply.

I memorize them. I analyze them. I care about their feelings.

Ill worry. Ill adapt.

I may sometimes overextend myself. But to give pieces of myself away.

But if i dont... i dont fake it.

My emotional world is small. But dense. Like stars.

Some people spend their lives fighting inevitability. Pretending it doesn't exist. Running from aging. Denying loss. Trying to conquer time.

I dont.